Tag: Depression

Sunshine, showers and a cloud of moths in my head – first published 10 August 2014

Moth Swarm by Carlos Amorales

My Dad said he never dreamed. Maybe I have his share because I almost always do. When I wake some of them stay with me and others fade, leaving just a jumbled essence that I can’t quite grasp in the light of day. There is no doubt in my mind they mean something, though not in the dream interpretation book kind of way. To me the answers come from within and the symbols are personal. It isn’t always easy to work out what they are trying to tell me. Continue reading Sunshine, showers and a cloud of moths in my head – first published 10 August 2014

Signing on part two – first published 10 January 2014

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January 2014 and it was time to sign on at the Job Centre for a second time. Even before I’d left the house I was feeling horrible about it. It’s such a demeaning experience I can’t imagine anyone looks forward to it. So I set off on the familiar walk to work route with a feeling of dread. Finally it really felt like winter, a proper cold and frosty morning. On the river path I stopped briefly to take a photograph of a skeletonised leaf on the ground and another couple of the mist over the water. Anything to take my mind of where I was going. Continue reading Signing on part two – first published 10 January 2014

Signing on – first published 2 January 2013

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2013 was finally over and it was a year I was glad to see the back of. 2014 came in with a bang in Southampton. At midnight we opened the back door to let 2013 out and open the champagne. It was raining. We opened the front door to welcome 2014 in, look at the fireworks and listen to the boats. We didn’t stay out long because the rain started teeming down. As we sat back down in front of the fire there was a flash of lightening and a tremendous clap of thunder and all hell broke loose with the rain. We hoped it wasn’t a sign of things to come, 2013 had been stormy enough thank you very much. Continue reading Signing on – first published 2 January 2013

A week of silent goodbyes – first published 19 December 2013

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The last week at Silver Helm had arrived. Every day felt full of silent goodbyes and last evers, even though some, like a visit to the warehouse in the docks, were really first times. Slowly, the building that had been our lovely, organised office was turning into a ghost town of boxes and empty shelves. We all bustled about, sorting, packing and shredding while trying to pretend we were fine. Inside we were crying, at least I was. The only things that kept me sane were the little things in each day to make me smile. Continue reading A week of silent goodbyes – first published 19 December 2013

penultimate friday – first published 13 december 2013

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Back in December 2013, Friday 13th was my penultimate Friday in the penthouse suite and it had me all pensive and out of sorts. The brooding morning sky  matched my mood. As I came round the corner onto the Main Road I realised the last of the leaves have fallen from the big tree across the road. There seemed to be something very sad and final about that for some reason. Continue reading penultimate friday – first published 13 december 2013

An island in the clouds – first published 11 december 2013

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One of the hardest things about losing my job at Silver Helm was walking away from the wonderful views over the city from our office on the fourteenth floor. In the penultimate week a foggy day brought some of the most breathtaking yet. They were all the more poignant because I knew they were going to be some of the last.  Continue reading An island in the clouds – first published 11 december 2013

A very peculiar colour – first published 10 December 2013

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Early December 2013 and some kind of bug struck. Saturday morning saw me feeling tired, more tired than normal, I put it down to hefting all the boxes on Friday afternoon. By the time I came back from my jaunt up the Big Hill with CJ to get the food shopping, tiredness had become a vaguely sicky feeling. Somehow I managed to ignore it long enough to make the lasagne and the pizza topping for the week but after that I retired to the sofa and dozed the afternoon and evening away. I hardly ate a thing all day, couldn’t even bear the thought of food. It was very unlike me. Continue reading A very peculiar colour – first published 10 December 2013

Turmoil – first published 6 December 2013

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Some days seem to be filled with turmoil and 6 December 2013 was certainly one of them. The day before we had high winds, the edge of an Atlantic storm. The morning news was full of gale force winds, storm damage and floods. In our little office and in the wider world there was turmoil too. Continue reading Turmoil – first published 6 December 2013

Black Friday – first published 29 November 2013

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The penultimate day of November 2013 was Black Friday in more ways than one. It began with a hint of pink that turned to grey and a depressing weigh in. By the time I got to work the mood was black with a hint of blue. There were tears, some bruises and wine.  Continue reading Black Friday – first published 29 November 2013

fighting the blues with little things – first published 4 November 2013

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The first weekend in November 2013 was a lost weekend for me. Coughing left me so tired and drained I couldn’t quite work up the energy for anything but the basics, a bit of food shopping, cooking, essential cleaning and then sitting around reading my kindle. I could hear the Guy Fawkes weekend fireworks going on outside but I didn’t even bother to go out to see them. Uncharacteristically Commando had forgotten to get any, usually he and CJ are out there indulging their pyromaniac tendencies. The coughing made my throat even sorer and sleeping at night was tough. I ended up downstairs on the sofa so as not to keep Commando awake. Continue reading fighting the blues with little things – first published 4 November 2013