I am old enough to remember a time when SPAM meant tinned meat — spiced ham produced in 1937 and popularised during the food shortages of World War II. I remember seeing the Monty Python SPAM sketch for the first time, too. If you haven’t seen it, check it out here. Of course, the sketch came out in the 1970s before the internet existed. It was twenty years before unwanted messages began popping up in ever-increasing numbers, and like the spam on the menu in the Monty Python sketch, drowned out everything else. That was when the word got its modern meaning. This sort of spam was on my mind in the second half of 2022.
Everyone gets the odd creepy message on social media from time to time. I used to see them as an annoyance and dealt with them by deleting and blocking. Then I set up a Twitter author account in the spring of 2022. It was supposed to help me publicise my novels and connect with readers, so, for the first time ever, I used a photograph of myself as a profile picture. It soon became abundantly clear why women keep things anonymous on social media. I added the profile picture, and overnight, the number of spam Direct Messages increased. I went from getting one weirdo message every few weeks to getting at least one every day. It was fairly obvious which of my new followers was going to be a DM spammer. I mean, the real Keanu Reeves was hardly likely to follow little old me, and he’d certainly have more than 6 followers.
I continued to delete and block as soon as the first message arrived, just as I’d always done. Once in a while, I thought they were genuine readers with legitimate questions, so I gave them the benefit of the doubt. Jack Canterbury was one of those. It didn’t take long to work out that I was wrong. To be fair, when I gave him a piece of my mind, he got the picture quickly.
Others, like Robert, were slower on the uptake. As soon as he said he was a US army General working in Syria, I realised he was a spammer and I knew from reading tweets from my wonderful friend Becky AKA @deathtospinach, that it wouldn’t be long before he was telling me a sob story and trying to relieve me of large amounts of cash. For some reason, spammers/scammers are fond of pretending to be US army Generals in foreign countries on peacekeeping missions.
As soon as he played his hand, I played mine, but he was a tad slow on the uptake. Excruciatingly slowly, he worked it out, and as soon as he did, he blocked me.
Occasionally, one rubbed me up the wrong way from the outset. I wasn’t always as kind as I could have been, but Twitter isn’t a dating site after all.
Other red-flag DMs came from foreign countries. They generally had a religious undertone or pretended to be involved in charity work. Sometimes, I had fun with them before I deleted them. Kajally Jayteh was one of those.
He began laying the groundwork about poverty in his village quickly, but the story didn’t add up. If they were so poor they didn’t have enough to eat, how did he have a camera phone and access to the internet?
When he asked me to talk to him on WhatsApp, I knew it wouldn’t be long before he tried to get money from me. So, I did some research and found out the name of the commander of the Anti-Crime Unit in Gambia. I thought mentioning him would frighten Kayjally off . . .
But even when I spelled it out, he didn’t seem to get it.
He asked a lot of questions, but somehow, I don’t think he understood the answers.
In the end, I gave up and blocked him, because it was abundantly clear what he was after. At least he was polite about it.
A surprising number of DM scammers say they are widowers with children. I guess they think it tugs on our heartstrings. David told me he was a doctor/surgeon working in Iraq. Of course, I’d heard it many times before, so it didn’t wash with me. Still, I like to think he was worried for a few days after our little chat.
The scammers aren’t always men, or at least they pretend not to be. When Mary William messaged me to say hello, her profile picture looked familiar. The fact that ‘Mary’ was using Becky’s (@deathtospinach) photo was a huge red flag. When I pointed out my suspicions, ‘Mary’ blocked me pronto, but it didn’t stop me from reporting them for impersonating Becky.
The multitude of Keanus are my favourites. I love to have fun with them. It’s all good practice for plotting future novels too, of course. Who knows, I may even write one about them in the future.
They do tend to be rather predictable, with their overblown compliments and leading questions.
It’s great fun to throw the cat among the pigeons and see how they react.
This particular Keanu was very brave and bold . . .
Until he thought I might be telling the truth. Then he suddenly disappeared. Maybe the Russian mob found him . . .
Keanus are ten-a-penny though, and it wasn’t long before another one popped up . . .
He didn’t appear to notice that my favourite Keanu film was one he wasn’t even in, and he was pretty rubbish at remembering my name. I’m not sure he even read my replies half the time, but the penny did drop in the end and he blocked me.
I admit, I did get a bit tetchy when I had DMs from two Keanus in the same day.
After a while, they all began to look and sound the same.
No matter how many I blocked, more popped up. Sometimes I was rather blunt with them . . .
Some scams are the old-fashioned kind. You know the ones; they say you have won a prize and all you have to do is send them your details . . .
Once in a while I turn the tables . . .
These days, most messages come from ‘romance scammers.’ They are men who prey on women, pretend to be madly in love with them, come up with a suitable sob story, and then ask them for money — usually vouchers because they are easy to cash in and untraceable. Many pretend to be in the military, or medical men. Sometimes, they even steal the identity of real people.
Stealing someone’s identity to catfish women on Twitter is despicable on so many levels, and I take no prisoners when they slide into my DMs.
Mostly, they pretend to be someone famous. Obviously, Keanu Reeves is very popular . . .
This is probably because the real Keanu Reeves is a very private person and doesn’t use any social media platforms.
. . . but there are other options, for instance, Bryan Adams . . .
A woman would have to be exceptionally gullible to believe that a rock star would suddenly start messaging them on Twitter, and even dafter to believe the rock star had fallen madly in love with her after a handful of messages. I suppose it must work sometimes or they wouldn’t keep doing it.
Johnny Depp is another one who pops up now and then . . .
This one hadn’t picked the best profile photo and, frankly; he wasn’t the brightest. I replied to him in Johnny Depp quotes gleaned from Goodreads and he didn’t even realise. Either all the sex, drugs and rock and roll have addled his poor brain, or he wasn’t the real Johnny Depp.
I even had a Korean pop star I’ve never heard of try it.
Thanks to a Google search, I was quickly onto him . . .
While it can be fun stringing these men along and wasting their time, there is a serious side to all this. The catfishing must work sometimes, or the scammers wouldn’t do it, and they must catch some poor women out. I hope that writing about them will serve as a warning to others, but I don’t just leave it there. I report every single scammer, impersonator and catfisher to Twitter. Most of the time, Twitter suspends them quickly, which explains why so many catfishers have brand new accounts with a handful of followers. Unfortunately, it’s a never ending battle and these thieves are quick to open new accounts and start over again. So, remember, if someone you don’t know sends you a Direct Message, be suspicious, especially if they say they are a famous actor, a pop star, a member of the military or a surgeon. Never ever respond to them outside of Twitter and under no circumstances give them personal details or send them money. It is fine to have a little fun with them before you report and block them, however!
If you like what I write, and you’re interested in my novels are available now on Amazon in paperback, on Kindle and via Kindle Unlimited. Check out my Amazon page here and my Goodreads page here. If you would like to help me keep writing, you can now buy me a virtual coffee by clicking on the little orange coffee cup at the bottom right.
Goodness, I hadn’t realised just how bad it is on Twitter. I don’t use it and rarely use FB. What is really sad is that people do fall for these scammers and lose money to them. Not just on Twitter but with email, text and telephone scams too. We have to be on our guard constantly.
It’s true. I’m good at spotting these catfishers, but they obviously have some success or they wouldn’t keep doing it. I screenshot all their messages now and share them publicly, along with their Twitter profiles so other women can block them and be more aware. I also report them all and have had some success getting them suspended. The trouble is, they just create new accounts.