worlds dumbest PA and rhinos in the park – first published 10 July 2013

In early July 2013 the weather was beautiful so I went for a lunchtime walk in the parks and discovered a mystery. Brightly decorated rhinos were appearing all over the place and I had no idea what they were all about although I quite liked them. There was also a rather unfortunate incident in the downstairs office that made me wonder if I was the world’s dumbest PA and Gigi was the world’s dumbest marketing manager.

10 July 2013

Late to bed, early to rise makes me grumpy and tried and eat pies. Ok so the pies bit isn’t true but it was the only thing I could think of to rhyme that didn’t involve being wise or telling lies. I don’t even like pies. Ok maybe I could have worked in something about size but that would have been a tad predictable wouldn’t it? As it was an early start I caught the bus right into the centre of town and walked down towards the Bargate. Then, as I walked through that majestic arch into the old walled city the fist thing I noticed (well after the glare of the sun shining off the flag stones smoothed by hundreds of years of passing feet) was Costa with an open door! Honestly I tried to walk past but I failed.

At lunch time I went back to the parks, picking up another coffee on the way. When I’m tired there is just no resisting. This time I walked right up to the enchanted park. This weather is really getting people into the parks so I was lucky to find a bench free to sit and drink my coffee. The ice cream van was there again but I walked past without even looking. If I’d seen the window with all the tempting lollies and cones I’d have been lost for sure.

Sipping my coffee and enjoying the sun on my face I looked around at the trees, shrubs and flowers. When I glanced up towards Above Bar an odd sight caught my attention. There was something very strange at the entrance to the park. From a distance it looked like a horse in a high viz jacket but that made no sense at all. Obviously I had to investigate further. Turns out it was a rhino in a high vis jacket! Obviously this made no more sense than a horse but there was a sign telling me the rhino was called Seymour and saying ‘this rhino is a work of art’ quite why or what for it didn’t elaborate.

Walking back down through the park I almost bumped into two more rhinos. One, white and all covered in coloured circles and stars, was on a truck, the other, a bright yellow and orange sun ray affair made up of tonal squares, was being manoeuvred into place by the bandstand. Intriguing. I was so distracted I didn’t even look at the ice cream van.

The playground is undergoing a revamp at the moment too. There have been diggers and piles of earth for weeks and it’s been fenced off to keep the children out. It seemed a shame with this lovely weather but today the reason is a little clearer. Some fantastical wooden structures have appeared overnight, or since I last walked past anyway, a castle and what looks like a huge sunken galleon similar to the one along the shore but bigger. There are winding paths and climbing things. I guess they’re getting prepared for the long summer holidays which must be upon us soon. If only I had little children to take there!

There was another conversation with Arabella this afternoon and it turns out she won’t be able to make the Head Office visit next week as something has come up. This means I don’t have to go either, which is good news in more than one way. It’s a long old journey up to Leicester in the middle of all the ship visit early mornings and I wasn’t looking forward to it. Obviously it will have to happen at some point but hopefully once all the UK turnarounds are finished at the end of August. There are only so many early starts I can cope with.

Somehow I appear to have accrued rather a lot of holidays that need to be taken before October. Originally I’d planned to take Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off next week so the Race For Life wouldn’t interfere with my walking. It seemed like a plan and Arabella was happy enough with it. When the Head Office visit came up I said I’d just take the Monday and Tuesday. Now I don’t have to. Insert smiley face here!

When a big delivery arrived for Marketing I was press-ganged into helping bring it up to the office. We are on the top floor and the lift only goes as far as the floor below us so everything that comes in has to come up those last two flights of stairs. Really, I think I should be getting two lots of pay, one from Marketing and one from Arabella. The boxes were in the empty office below ours. I’ve often wondered why we are all squished up in our little penthouse when that whole big office is empty. I wondered it on the day of my interview when I was grilled by Arabella there with one table and a whole floor of empty space, and I’ve been wondering ever since. Anyhow, once Gigi had pressed the access code to let us in we went inside to collect all the boxes. When the door shut behind us I was a tad worried but Gigi seemed to know what she was doing so I just went and gathered up as many boxes as I could. Gigi gathered a slightly smaller pile and we made for the door.

The blasted door wouldn’t budge. We pushed, nothing happened. We put the boxes down and looked at each other. “Do you need a code to get out?” I asked, despite there being no keypad inside. This is called grasping at straws. She shook her head and pushed the door again. There was a slight feeling of panic. I don’t like being shut in, even in a huge airy office. We could be there for ages, until someone missed us or came past, whichever came first.

Eventually we realised we should have been pulling the door all along! Doh! The funny thing is, on Monday afternoon I sat with CJ and watched an episode of Worlds Dumbest Criminals where three separate bank robbers did exactly the same thing. They went in to rob the banks, the alarm was set off, the shutters came down in front of the teller and they made for the door, one of them even managed to grab a big handful of money in the process. There was a massive amount of pushing at the door in all cases, kicks were aimed, they shoulder charged it, they even picked things up and tried to smash their way out. All the time all they had to do was pull! It was hillarious. Not quite so funny when I’m being the world’s dumbest Personal Assistant.

Even with the door fiasco I did mange to get away on time and, during the evening I solved the rhino mystery. You guessed it, I resorted to Google and it turns out it’s something called Go Rhinos, a project put together by Marwell Zoo in Winchester. These rhino sculptures are being put up all over the city and will be there for ten weeks. The purpose is manyfold, obviously to raise the profile of the zoo, celebrate its fortieth anniversary and showcase the talents of local artists. It is also to highlight the threat to wild rhinos, attract visitors to the city and raise money for Marwell’s conservation programme plus some other charities through an auction of said rhinos. Better still, from my point of view, there will be a trail of rhinos all over the city streets and parks. Anything that makes me go out walking can only be good, now all I have to do is find out how many I’m looking for. Watch this space!